Paul Fawkesley
Paul Fawkesley

Six Months Sober

A year ago I started counting how many alcohol units I was drinking.

I was sure I didn’t drink “too much” but had never tracked it before.

But I was consistently drinking more than 14 units a week. One or two glasses of wine a day didn’t seem much, but it added added up.

When I tried to bring it under 14 units per week, I found myself craving and bargaining. Looking for excuses to “let myself off”.

Drinking wasn’t exactly a problem and I wasn’t a dependent drinker. But the numbers showed I was drinking an unhealthy amount and was finding it hard to moderate.

I needed to prove to myself that I was in charge.

One month wasn’t enough

I’d done Dry January before no problem. I’d spent most of the time counting down to the end. Thinking about when I could drink again.

One month is too short to break a habit.

Six months is effectively “forever”. It’s long enough to fully incorporate into my life rather than see as something that would be over soon.

So when the clocks changed in March, I committed to six months sober.

The clocks changed back today, the end of six months.

Here’s how it went.

Difficulty mode: hard

This particular six months included a lot of typically boozey things:

The idea of a stag do sober with boozey blokes I don’t know filled me with dread.

But I wanted to prove to myself that I don’t need alcohol. And I don’t do things by halves.

I don’t need alcohol to meet new people

It’s the thought of meeting new people that was scary. The first five minutes, making small talk, feeling awkward.

At the stag, walking to the bar on Friday evening, I felt strong anxiety.

I reminded myself that I love chatting and I get along with people.

Five minutes in, I’d met some great guys and the rest was easy.

Having a plan helps

I’d read a few books about being sober around others who aren’t.

Three things that helped be sober on the stag:

Sober night clubs are fine

I’d never been to a night club sober.

Looking around at people was fun. Dancing to cheesey 70s music was fun, for a while.

Being silly with the stags was fun.

Being the “guy who enjoys himself sober” was empowering.

Leaving after an hour was perfect.

I love mornings

I tend to wake around 7am feeling energetic and enthusiastic.

I love sneaking downstairs, making some coffee and tapping out some code. This time alone with my mind and my code helps me re-charge and calm the flurry of thoughts and ideas that swirl around my head.

Alcohol robs this time.

I like having a consistent bed time

Especially with a daughter who wakes up like clockwork. Having a consistent bed-time improves my sleep quality. It eliminates that dreadful feeling of “argh, it’s 1am, how am I going to get 8 hours?”

Alcohol makes me more likely to stay up late, even after the party’s over.

I’m better chat without booze

It always felt like I was funnier, easier after a couple of beers. Maybe I was, but two soon became three or four. And I’d get a little too loud or a little over the top.

Without booze I don’t re-tell the same stories (as much). I don’t forget conversations I’ve had.

I don’t wake up with a cringe, wondering what I said. The “loser blues”.

I love chatting and eating, not boozing

Thinking back on stags, parties, nights out and festivals I’ve enjoyed, the best parts are always chatting and eating.

Connecting with people, having a good natter, eating delicious food.

I don’t need booze for those.

I’m more patient and less irritable

Any parent will tell you, children constantly push boundaries, take forever, make a mess and frankly, do annoying things.

Without alcohol I’m more patient and less snappy. Things that would have wound me up don’t any more. I can stay calm but firm.

Alcohol affected me days afterwards

The biggest surprise was how alcohol affects me throughout the week.

Of course it affected me the day I drank and the day after. I had no idea that regular drinking affected me all the time.

Alcohol messes with my sleep

Something to do with REM sleep, apparently.

I’d go to sleep easily but wake up feeling tired.

I was using other things as an excuse to drink

I love going to the cinema. But every time I went I’d buy a couple beers beforehand.

Did I really love watching films, or just getting drunk at the cinema?

Alcohol is really bad for the body

During the six months, Kurzgesagt released this excellent video.

It’s a fascinating but uncomfortable watch.

0% Sparkling Wine is lovely

I love a glass of Prosecco. I really like the 0% versions.

Particularly sparkling rosé, which I’d never had before.

The bitterness and the bubbles feel really luxurious. And it’s cheap!

Substituting is much easier than stopping.

I’m bad at moderation

I struggle with moderation.

Once I get started, I’m bad at stopping.

I need hard, simple rules to follow.

With sugar, I just have a blanket ban on “high sugar foods” This works for me.

“I don’t drink” is so much easier than “Should I drink? Shall I have another one? Should I stop there?”

I don’t miss alcohol

The biggest surprise: I don’t miss it.

Around three months in, I realised my life’s better without booze.

I questioned why I drank in the first place. Was I really choosing to drink? Not really.

Maybe I’ll drink again, but not before I’ve written some rules.

Thoughts? Get in touch